Microsoft Press Conference Liveblogging

Technical problems forced us to miss the first 15 minutes or so. Apparently we missed a violin version of the "Halo" theme.

11:45 - Mass effect? Awesome.

11:48 - Peter jibba-jabbas about the games the system sells. Of course, how many of that is Cars and other crap licensed games.

11:49 - of course it's half. You've had a year longer than your competition "this generation". Duh.

11:51 - Dude, Pete? "Here it Goes Again" was so two years ago.

11:55 - Wow. This guy sucks.

11:56 - Scene It (HD Live)? That's fuckin' retarded.

11:56 - ... No, never mind, that controller is retarded.

11:58 - NARUTO, big deal. No dice on those controllers. Those are not wiimotes. -Ian P.

11:59 - Ian joins me! Yeah. Woo. Naruto exclusive. THAT'LL sell systems. - K

12:01 - Yeah, yeah. We all know that EA's giving the 360... OH GOD THAT'S REGGIE... who cares. It ain't Fils-Aime, I don't care.

12:02 - ... "The D". Please bring back Moore and his ugly shirt. - K

12:02 - Kevin rooting for Moore? What has this world come to. Ian P.

12:02 - Apparently this was the guy calling me "fag" on Halo 2 last week. -K

12:04 - Lookit that akward man hug. Aw Yea. This is professional....oh boy more numbers. Ian P.

12:05 - Let's see what rehashes Live Arcade is pulling out. Well, Undertow is original. HEY, SONIC. That was last year. Mech game? PSP game? WING COMMANDER? Ooh, Puzzle Fighter! ... Also coming to PSN. Switchball=nice. Tetris Splash = not so much. -K/ Ian P.

12:08 - Woo. Sonic. IT'S ALREADY ON OUR WII. -K/Ian P.

12:09 - Movie/TV show downloads only on 360? Not for lonnnnnnnnnnng... -K

12:10 - The Lion King is my daddy. This isn't so bad. Not so sure if it's going to hit well but... -Ian P.

12:11 - COYOTE FUCKING UGLY? No. Just... no. -K

12:12 - Hold on a sec. Those are all on... THE ITUNES STORE. And I didn't see Pixar there. -K

12:13 - And your systems will continue to explode. -Ian P.

12:13 - Can we get to the Halo 3/Peter Moore's bad tattoo? -K

12:13 - He's an Xbox Live download! -Ian P.

12:13 - Well at least they're talking about games I want. Improvement? -Ian P.

12:14 - Are you ready for raindrops that don't hit your car, but are already there? PGR4 IN DA HOUSE. Feel the complete lack of realism. (I want mechs and gundams next to my cars too. -Ian P.) -K

12:15 - This makes me wish for tomorrow's conferences... today! -K

12:17 - I still don't want any PGR. Period. -Ian P.

12:18 - BRING BACK PETER. BRING BACK PETER. Or better... J! J Allard, the badass! -K

12:19 - Oh, look. Lost Oddysey. I'll let Ian take over. -K

12:20 - Honestly this game looks like a beefed up Final Fantasy but...for some reason I still want it. Kev says he's emo. I bet he's tried to slit his wrists to no avail cause you know...he's immortal. -Ian P.

12:22 - Woo. Games For Windows. "Hey, kids, PAY US TO DO WHAT YOU DID BEFORE FOR FREE". -K

12:23 - Gears on PC. Wow. What about Gears 2? or maybe something compelling. Like a PB& J. In fact that sounds good. Be Back. -Ian P.

12:24 - Y'know, for the "centralized functionality" that Games For Windows Live offers, I can only think of something... oh, right. Xfire. -K

12:25 - I wonder if we'll be seeing Cliffy B at the Sony conference showing off UT 3? -K

12:26 - Yay... Peter's back. You'll never hear me say THAT again. -K

12:26 - I caved. I made a PB & Fluff. MMN. I wonder if maybe Pete got his teeth scrimshawed this year? -Ian P.

12:27 - And 10 million gamers can't play Counterstrike because of it. - Mina (actially K)

12:28 - At least Bioshock will be amazing. If they screw that up... -Ian P.

12:30 - So, um. how about a Bioshock demo being available? C'mon, c'mon... FUCK YOU PETER. -K

12:31 - Didn't I just show this trailer to you guys? Peter says let me show you my gamez. My gamez, let me show you them. -Ian P.

12:33 - So, yeah. Hey, gameplay! Sweet. Anyway, I was saying that Microsoft really isn't lighting this crowd on fire tonight. -K

12:34 - Well, that's fucking ridiculously cool. Purdy, too. If only I liked Call of Duty... -K

12:35 - Agreed. Although I really like the camo feature, if it turns out to be a feature. Very smooth, where are the enemies? -Ian P.

12:37 - Well, the focus looks good. Better than CoD 3. However, THERE WERE NO ENEMIES. I want proof that this thing can actually handle throwing enemies and the looks. -K

12:39 - Splinter's Creed! -Ian P.

12:40 - He completely skipped over Splinter Cell. Unless they have MGS4, then that was really gay. -K

12:41 - I am completely blown away. And by blown I mean bored. And by away I mean stiff. AND not like erection stiff. Like dead stiff. -Ian P.

12:42 - Like rigor mortis stiff. Seriously. I'm not getting a pulse from him. Anyway, SPEAKING OF RIGOR MORTIS, another trailer for Res. Evil 5. ANYWAY, like I was saying, Microsoft must be betting on Sony having an even worse E3 this year. Or Nintendo spontaneously combusting. Which won't get rid of Shigeru Miyamoto's head. It lives on it's own. Seriously.

12:45 - Still not an exclusive. But this looks so amazing. Not to get all fanboy but I've been waiting too long for Assassin's Creed. WHAT? Distance guard-smiting. Yay. -Ian P.

12:48 - Well, the voice acting is on par with Prince of Persia. And by par, I mean crap. Otherwise, looks damn good! -K

12:48 - This realistic combat system is based on enemies dropping from the sky. And going into an animation every 3 seconds. Just like real life! -K/Ian P.

12:50 - Everything besides the voice acting and that one combat scene looks amazing. Hopefully they fix that. -K/Ian P.

12:51 - Force Unleashed. Coming out after every other game using the technology they developed. Where is this... WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? A live-action representation for a video game? This just went Sony '06 for the time being. -K (Hey at least it's the director that did Alive in Joburg. If this was for the movie or in game footage then our heads would explode. -Ian P.)

12:54 - ANOTHER SKU. Thanks, Microsoft! Tards. That's 4 fucking different SKUs on one system. And they probably all are just as poor in terms of dependability. -K

12:56 - I think his voice has broken about 17 times now. Just a side note. -Ian P.

12:57 - This is how NOT to do a Halo 3 trailer. Unless there's a shock at the end...

... Nope. -K

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...?

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12:58 - WOW. Well, no real major fuckups, just really...really...really...REALLY boring. Ok so maybe the 360 is powerful and all but I am just as excited now for it as I was about an hour and a half ago. Maybe even less. 4 systems and Halo. Woo.

WAIT OH YEA! ...nope.. I've got nothing. All I have to say is Mass Effect, Bioshock, and Lost Oddysey at least look good to me. But I can only imagine Sony kicking them straight to their tiny anglo-saxon balls. They try to focus on beating their competition when they should focus on making good games. You make good games you get people buying your system. Way to go Microsoft. -Ian P.

1:00 AM - Well, one good thing about it: no noticable red rings. Unless it happened before fifteen minutes in. -K

See you guys tomorrow for the Nintendo/Sony press conference FUNATHON!